(MainbarOnline Note: This is a sponsored story. It neither reflects the author’s life story nor does it come from the MainbarOnline’s. Part in celebrating Christmas, the author wants to share a reflective experience on Christmas day.)

Christmas that has never been that special by mainbar online
(Image credit: Public Domain; By 1st Lt. Peter Lantz, via wikimedia commons)

I used to think about Christmas the way others thought about it. I used to think about it like the most special day of the year. I used to think about it was like the happiest day that has to come every year. That’s what I thought about it. That’s how I used to think about it…about Christmas that has never been such special to me.

Back in those days I was too young to understand about life. Life for me then seemed like no-big-deal to look forward to it. I thought never about death, as well. Nor did I think about success in life, because that time I thought life itself, which kept me from moving, breathing, and understanding wrong understanding about it was already a success. I didn’t even think about keeping it moving to the better, for I understood none of it.

I graduated high school just for the sake of finishing it. I might be such nerd from others’ viewpoint. But that was just me in my simple exercise of my endurance I never thought it would come the way I never expected.

 



 

Then, I went to college not for the purpose to study like a pro like the rest at my age did. I had too many things at the back of my mind too assertive to let my passion for study to die down day by day. And each Christmas to come, I felt like it was just ordinary. Work. Work. Work.  Each time I felt tired, I even kept on making myself tired. Because I know nobody would do the things I have to do for me. It was only me and I…nobody.

I graduated college; got a work yet still no time for anything they called life at its best even for a simple “break treat” for myself. I couldn’t understand that…not the way they could understand my life, my experience, my perspective, and my needs.

I went to a graduate school, this time for a master’s degree. Still, life to me wasn’t that natural like the rest of the people I saw around. I could still feel I was different…in all respects.

I finished my first semester of my MBA program. I looked back the experiences I had and realized I was just wasting time again!Then, Christmas came. Again, an ordinary day for me. I kept myself busy working, writing articles, speeches, and website content for people I don’t know from early evening until 2 a.m. I heard Christmas whistles, people in my neighborhood outside celebrating Christmas, and my board mate as well. But, still, I couldn’t feel such zest to celebrate. I rather fell asleep….

Then, Christmas came. Again, an ordinary day for me. I chose to keep myself busy working: writing articles, drafting speeches, and editing website content for people I never knew from early evening until 2 a.m. I heard Christmas whistles and bombs. People in my neighborhood outside celebrated Christmas the best they could; so were they—my board mates. Yet, still, I couldn’t feel such zest to celebrate. Later on, I rather fell asleep.

Now, Christmas for me is still such like that.

This is the story of my life I don’t want you to understand it.

Always,

The Renegade


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